Quality Time Weekly We have fun so you don't have to

Are you watching the Good Guys on Fox? I think some people are a little confused by it. What does the tag line "Kick some badge" mean? Is it funny? Is it a serious procedural? If it's funny is it supposed to be funny?

I think it's one of the funniest shows on network television. I follow one of the writers on Twitter and was looking forward to the show starting, and was not at all disappointed. The Good Guys is about Detective Dan Stark, who has been on the force for quite some time, and Detective Jack Bailey, his partner, who is younger and not as jaded. They're both stuck in the small crimes unit as punishment for something that isn't specified, but after you watch an episode or two you'll have a pretty good idea. Detective Stark isn't exactly wedded to following the rules and Detective Bailey isn't able to rein him in. Stark is also fond of saving the day at the last moment by driving his car through various buildings, which is enormously expensive and generates considerable paperwork (as Simon Pegg's character in Hot Fuzz is fond of saying.)

The Good Guys has hilarious one liners that often leave me wondering just why they're funny. For instance in one episode someone offers Stark a pen but he turns it down, saying he doesn't like writing. When I try and deconstruct the joke it falls apart. Part of the humor comes from the delivery of course and both of the actors who play our heroes are excellent comedians with impeccable timing. Much of the rest of the humor comes from the characters themselves, which is how it should be. While Stark and Bailey might look like clichés at first glance, the writers of this show riff off our expectations of clichéd cop characters and spin them around.

When I first started watching the show I was more of a fan of Bailey, but now I'm a strong fan of Detective Stark. He's sleazy, but in a funny way, and has a weird magnetic charm that makes him appealing to the ladies, although his pickup lines are so terrible they should all ignore him. He gets away with the most outrageous behavior, including climbing into the bed of the victim of a minor crime, ostensibly to reenact the crime but really because she is cute and scantily dressed. Because he has ridiculous luck he actually spots a clue, which leads to a huge case and much mayhem.

In a recent episode Stark got the bright idea of locking an informant in the trunk of his car and waiting for the car to be stolen. This way he and Bailey could follow the tracking data from the leg bracelet of the informant and bust up the car thief ring. When the informant ends up on the street, the car nowhere in sight and Bailey held prisoner by the ringleader, Stark rages against the "computer machine" that keeps him from finding his partner. His complete ineptitude with the computer (he doesn't even know how to turn it on) is hilarious while still adding dramatic tension to the scene.

You can watch full episodes online, at the official Fox Good Guys site. http://www.fox.com/goodguys/

One-Paragraph Review

This week's one-paragraph review is from CBL, who says, "The Sorcerer's Apprentice movie isn't as bad as you'd think it would be." Do you have a one-paragraph (or smaller) review you'd like to share? Send it in to me for consideration. You can reach me at feedback@qualitytimeweekly.com.

We have two new additions to our family; an Akita called Captain Malcolm Reynolds, after the character from Firefly and Serenity, and a DLH black and white kitten called Captain Jack Harkness, after the character from Torchwood and Doctor Who. The kitten doesn't require much entertainment as he gets plenty smacking the dog in the face and snickering, but the dog is extra smart and needs lots and lots of things to do.

Our county Parks and Recreation has more than enough to keep a good pup alert and interested. They offer not one but two dog beaches (it helps that our county has lots and lots of water, sometimes a little too much), some dog parks and lots of dog friend parks that welcome canines on a leash. (Of course you have to follow some directions, which are mostly common sense. Pick up after your dog, no fighting (either dog or owner), dogs must be up to date on shots, etc.)

Dogs are allowed to be off leash at the dog beach but owners aren’t allowed in the water, so make sure your dog can swim and responds to voice command before you bring him. You also need to be prepared to break up a dog fight. Even if your dog is the most even-tempered creature in the world, you never know what other hellhounds some idiot might have brought to the park or beach, so you need to be the one who is prepared.

One of our beaches has a dog washing spot so you can get the sand and other beach detritus off of your pet after they swim, but one is more bare bones. You'll want to do more planning ahead and make sure your seats are protected if you drive to the dog beach, otherwise it might be a bit embarrassing next time you give your boss a lift.

Not sure if your dog likes water? You might want to check her feet. Are they webbed? Lots of breeds are used to working in water and have adapted with webbed toes. My own dog, an Akita, has this special quality and although he'll go running at the sound of the word bath, his breed does just fine in the water. But just because your dog might not have webbed feet doesn't mean he won't enjoy the water. There are loads of dogs without water ancestry that love to swim. You might want to stick to the shallow end until you're both sure how you feel about dog paddling.

Dog parks are another great way to let your dog play off leash. Some parks have agility courses, which are great for keeping your dog intrigued and fit. Others just offer an opportunity for dogs to play together in a safe, open environment.

If you don't have a dog park or beach in your area you can still have fun with your dog, so long as you keep your pet leashed. My county has loads of parks that welcome dogs, including several that have long trails that offer a challenge to owner and canine alike. Just be sure to bring plenty of water, which your dog can carry for you, if you have saddlebags and the right size dog.

If you live in the right area you can bring your dog to indoor festivities. I saw an article in an English newspaper saying a chain of pubs is going to offer free food to visiting dogs and Provincetown here in the US lets dogs into just about every building in town. There are plenty of campgrounds that welcome your pooch and there are hotels if you look hard enough. You and Fido can have a grand vacation if you do enough planning in advance.

If your dog isn't ready to socialize with other dogs think about signing up for an obedience class. Your dog will learn more than sit and stay at these classes; they will also learn how to behave when they are surrounded by distractions and they'll learn how to play well with others. Many companies offer private lessons but if you take this option your dog will miss out on the chance to learn appropriate behavior when in the presence of strange dogs, so take that into consideration. Your vet should be able to recommend a good trainer or you can call your local humane society and either get a referral or take classes at the shelter.

One-Paragraph Review

This week's one-paragraph review is from Red Pill, who comments on the new film Inception, saying, "Inception is a real mindbender. It's the thinking person's Matrix." Do you have a one-paragraph (or smaller) review you'd like to share? Send it in to me for consideration. You can reach me at feedback@qualitytimeweekly.com.

(Quality Time returns from a brief hiatus during which I bought a house (!!!) and moved.)

I finally got around to reading Tender Morsels by Margo Lanagan this past week, sneaking it in between unpacking boxes. I'd been hearing mixed reviews for some time; comments from people who loved it and from those who were freaked out and or wanted to ban it, thinking it was inappropriate for its intended Young Adult audience. So I was prepared for something controversial but somehow wasn't at all prepared for the actual story, which is both brutal and sweet, by turns. It is a retelling of Snow White and Rose Red that turns the original fairy-tale into a new, dark, beautiful, heartbreaking story.

The story begins with Liga - a teen girl who lives in a hovel with her horrible father, isolated from the people of a nearby town - taking ill and going through a process she doesn't understand. After going through the same kind of sickness more than once, she eventually figures out that her father has made her pregnant and is buying remedies and forcing them on her, causing her to lose the babies. Once she understands what is happening she tricks her father and manages to hide her next pregnancy from him until she is quite far along. He blows his top when he discovers what she's hiding and goes to the local enchantress for more help.

Liga is left home in a state of terror and panic, which stretches out over days when her father doesn't return home. When she finally goes in search of him she finds him dead in a ditch and is so traumatized by his abuse of her she barely knows how to go on without him screaming at her and controlling her. She goes about her daily tasks, avoiding the town and gives birth to a daughter all by herself. She cares for her baby as best she can until she is horribly assaulted by a group of boys from the village, who leave her badly injured and pregnant yet again.

Despairing, Liga cannot bear to continue in such a cruel world and goes to the edge of a cliff to end it all. But her concern for her baby makes her decision even more complicated and as she tries to come up with a solution another baby appears; a magical baby that soothes Liga and gives her a gift that propels her into a new, beautiful, safe world where she can rear her two lovely girls in safety.

But even the most amazing world isn’t completely safe and Liga's world is threatened when a cranky, greedy little man forces his way in, spewing profanities and looking for his own heaven. I was impressed with the breadth and depth of his insults. He's quite creative, but unfortunately an awful, awful person. Liga's two little girls, Branza and Urdda, are too young to recognize the threat he represents and try and help him every time he appears, despite his verbal abuse of them. They're so innocent they have no idea what his words mean, which is nice because his attempts to hurt their feelings fail miserably.

But his entrance to their world, a kind of rape of the earth, warps the fabric between the two worlds and he's not the only one who can pass from one to the other. Dangerous creatures can enter and eventually Urdda, the younger daughter, figures out a way to get out, landing in the real world, a place she is ill equipped to handle. Urdda is used to being able to go where she wants, when she wants and she finds the mores of the real town difficult to deal with. Girls are not supposed to go out by themselves and if they do and something bad happens to them, it's their fault. They asked for abuse by going out alone, a concept that Urdda quite rightly finds repulsive.

Ms. Lanagan explores many serious issues but her main focus is on vulnerability and the exploitation of the innocent. Whether it's a donkey that's abused by a cruel master, a loving husband who loses a beloved wife or a young girl savaged by her father – a person who should be protecting her – tender morsels abound and are damaged or destroyed by those in power. Ms. Lanagan returns to the roots of fairy tales, writing a dark, story that warns against perils that face all of us, but especially girls. While the story is very dark, Ms. Lanagan avoids graphic language and the degradation that Liga endures is not explicitly described.

The writing is gorgeous; lyrical and evocative and a joy to read. You can read an excerpt here: http://www.randomhouse.com/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=9780375891496&view...

One-Paragraph Review

This week's one-paragraph review is from my electrician, who actually had quite a bit to say about several television shows, but was most excited about Greatest American Hero, which just ran in a marathon on SyFy, saying, "I used to watch it as a kid. I loved it. Watching Ralph fight spies and crash in his suit was the greatest. I didn't understand why they cancelled it." Do you have a one-paragraph (or smaller) review you'd like to share? Send it in to me for consideration. You can reach me at feedback@qualitytimeweekly.com.

At some point I decided to read all the novels that have won the Pulitzer Prize. Or at least to try and read the novels, using my mom's rule, which is to read the first chapter and give the book an honest chance. (In other words don't be grouchy when you try the book or you're almost guaranteed to not want to finish it.) I read the first few then got distracted and forgot all about my plan. This week I picked up So Big by Edna Ferber, which won in 1924, and absolutely loved it.

The novel tells the story of Selina Peake DeJong, a woman who loves beauty and adventure but spends much of her life on a small farm, which is in terrible shape when she first sets foot on it. She is the child of a gambler and spends her early years in a state of flux, sometimes living high on the hog and sometimes scraping by on little. She eventually goes to finishing school where she meets her best friend Julie Hempel and stays until her father is killed by a stray bullet. She inherits almost five hundred dollars and two small diamonds. She puts the money in the bank and sets off on what she plans to be a grand adventure; teaching school in the Dutch farmland not too far from Chicago, where her friend lives.

Here she stays with a farming family called Pool that mostly doesn't understand her. There is a farmer, a farm wife, two young girls in pigtails and one boy named Roelf who loves beauty and art. Roelf is the only one who doesn't view her as a bit of a freak. When Selina came to the farm she told Mr. Pool, the farmer she boards with, that the cabbages were beautiful; all jade against other gem colors, something that literally makes Mr. Pool laugh for years. Only Roelf knows what she means and sees the same beauty and is knocked back by it. He is so stifled by the farm that he eventually runs away and goes to Paris, to be an artist.

Selina is drawn to a big, bluff farmer by the name of DeJong who makes a grand romantic gesture, which she repays by teaching him three nights per week. She eventually marries him and gives birth to her son Dirk, who she calls So Big, after the time honored game of "how big is baby?" DeJong's truck farm, an expression I was unfamiliar with, is nearly useless. If he plants crops that like wet weather there is a drought. If he sows with dry weather in mind rain falls from the sky like mad, ruining his crop. Half of his small farm is unusable sodden clay and he barely manages to eke out a living for his small family.

Selina has big plans for the farm, which DeJong is not that thrilled to hear about. He believes that the wife should work in the home, not on the farm and scoffs at her ideas that she gets from books. She has to put most of plans on hold as she raises her baby, until her husband succumbs to an illness, leaving Selina in charge, with very little money and a young boy to support. She sets to work draining the sodden fields, trying new fertilizer and trying to sell her vegetables herself, something that is unheard of for a woman in her time. As she lives her hardscrabble existence she tries to pass her love of beauty to her son, but he is mainly motivated by money. She warns him there may come a time when he longs for beauty but will no longer have the ability to appreciate it or be truly stirred by it.

It's beauty that makes this story so compelling. The writing is lyrical and a pleasure to read, making it easy to understand why this book won such a prestigious award. There is a scene towards the beginning of the book where Selina is riding with Pool heading to his farm and the descriptions of his movements and emotions are hilarious and gorgeous. There were many passages that I shared with my family as they were too good to keep to myself. Anyone with a love of art and the amazing things we encounter every day should find something to connect with in So Big.

You can browse inside the book here: http://browseinside.harpercollins.com/index.aspx?isbn13=9780060956691

One-Paragraph Review

This week's one-paragraph review is from Gavin who says, "Do not buy the Cheese Squares at Target. They taste like they're made from compressed cardboard and pencil shavings." Do you have a one-paragraph (or smaller) review you'd like to share? Send it in to me for consideration. You can reach me at feedback@qualitytimeweekly.com.

Warning – this column is more political than my usual pieces. It might infuriate you.

Cory Doctorow's new novel For the Win is a sprawling adventure about finance, gold farmers and solidarity. Taking place all over the world, the book has a diverse group of characters, mostly teens, who are engaged in a struggle for basic rights. They face oppression from employers, governments and corporations; all of which are focused on profit or saving face, to the point where the oppressors will do anything to keep the status quo, even kill. It would be easy for this book to be pedantic or preachy, but despite the enormous amount of information given to the reader Cory stays entertaining.

Much as he did in his previous YA novel Little Brother, Cory presents his data in easily digestible bits. For instance I just saw an article about "Eve teasing" in the paper, but had already learned about this vile practice in For the Win, when one of the young ladies who live in Mumbai is menaced and sexually harassed by a thug. This is just one of the reasons the book gave me a nervous ache in my stomach – the dangers that face these characters are real, serious problems that are taking their toll on teens around the world every day. Even if every character came through the novel unscathed I knew that there are real kids out there in similar circumstances who aren't so lucky.

The characters range from gold farming teens who want a decent wage, and the ability to keep what they earn on their own time, to oppressed young ladies in China, Mumbai and elsewhere, who are preyed upon by the male authority figures in their lives, to executives with giant corporations like Coca-Cola. There are almost too many characters, with my youngest son having trouble keeping track of them all. On the other hand it's an ambitious story and a large cast of characters is necessary to tell it properly. They're all well drawn and made me deeply concerned about their welfare.

The teens try to unionize, which has historically been a dangerous process, often met with violence. For the Win is no different and various factions crack down against the organizers, not hesitating to use even extreme violence against the unarmed protagonists. There are two women who are at the forefront of the movement; Little Sister Nor, an organizer who wants to organize oppressed workers worldwide, and Jiandi, a pirate radio broadcaster in China who gives advice to factory girls who have been taken advantage of by bosses, pyramid schemers and bad boyfriends. These factory girls often have no protection, having left their villages to make money in dangerous working conditions. Jiandi doesn't cut these girls any slack, telling them when they're being dumb and exhorting them to do really difficult things, like leave with no pay when their bosses blackmail them. But she also gives them the support that they need and millions of them tune in to her show. Little Sister Nor started out as a protester and ended up in charge of the entire organization process, at risk from a number of entities that want to cut off the head of the union.

I'm pro union, a member of the Screen Actor's Guild, and I used to be the shop steward in a previous job. I think a decent wage for a decent day's work should be a given and I'm distressed when I see, for instance, servers working for two dollars an hour plus tips that may or may not appear. A book like For the Win just reinforces my belief in the value of unions but I'm curious how union busters would view it, or if they could even finish the book. How do you argue that unions are obsolete when people are dying in unsafe working conditions, being abused by those in power and having their wages stolen?

Things I particularly liked about the book – well rounded characters with character growth, fast paced plotting, interesting storyline, and the games described all sounded like fun. I was also intrigued by the facts that we get, like how many of the world's largest economies are game economies. It's kind of nice to have a fabulous read and some painless learning at the same time.

As with pretty much all of Cory's work you can download the novel for free, in a variety of formats. http://craphound.com/ftw/download/ Of course buying the book is always good but if you want to give back in another way you can buy a copy and donate it to a needy library. There is a list of those who want a copy here: http://craphound.com/ftw/donate/.

One-Paragraph Review

This week's one-paragraph review is another tweet, which sums up Wizard's World so well I couldn't resist running it. http://twitter.com/dustinharbin/status/16016935694 Do you have a one-paragraph (or smaller) review you'd like to share? Send it in to me for consideration. You can reach me at feedback@qualitytimeweekly.com.

I first discovered fantasy writer Carol Emshwiller at the old scifi.com website, in their fantastic short fiction section. She wrote a series of stories about these interesting bird creatures, from their perspective, some of whom long to be able to fly but are just a little too fat. I was fascinated by these stories and sad when they were no longer available, so when Small Beer Press had a recent sale on their publications I picked up two books by Ms. Emshwiller; Carmen Dog and The Mount. Both of these books are fabulous and it’s hard to say which one I like more.

Carmen Dog is about what happens when the females of the world start to change. Some move higher up the evolutionary scale and move lower. Our heroine, called Pooch, is a beautifully bred dog whose ancestors have been chosen for obedience, loyalty and intelligence. She lives with a couple and their children, including a young baby. The mother starts to turn into something snappy, round and large (which eventually turns out to be a snapping turtle). As the mother loses interest and ability to care for the family Poochie steps up, starting with simple tasks like sweeping and eventually cooking and taking devoted care of the children. Then things take a dangerous turn and Pooch has to take the baby and run, following a particularly vicious bite in the neck.

Pooch and the baby end up in Manhattan where Pooch falls in love with the opera, gets sent to the pound and meets a bunch of other females of all sorts. There is a wolverine, a snake, a basenji, and a host of others, all either becoming more or less than they used to be. All of these ladies are due to be executed when they are given a reprieve and shipped off to an unknown location, which turns out to be the home of a doctor who is determined to quash the new female flexibility. The doctor, who is male, sets up a series of experiments, using a variety of punishments and treats, all designed to make the women stay in one form.

Carmen Dog is an adventure, an allegory and a fast, fun read, with plenty of danger and suspense. It’s about love and loyalty, friendship and fear, and the age old struggle between the sexes. It’s also extremely funny and touching. My middle son read it first then insisted I read it right away, which either shows the book has intergenerational intergender appeal or he just knows me really well. Perhaps both?

You can read an excerpt here: http://www.fictionwise.com/servlet/mw?t=book&bi=36309&id=52221

The Mount has one of the creepiest covers I've ever seen. When I was younger I couldn't touch any covers of books I found creepy as they would make my skin crawl. I would have to fold them back or cover them with paper or something. While I'm not quite so nutty now I did cringe every time I looked at the outside of the Mount.

The cover is not creepy in your traditional animated killer doll or homicidal clown way, instead it shows a handsome young man dressed in shorts and a bridle, posing and showing off his muscled legs. It's context that makes it creepy. The Mount takes place more than 100 years after earth is invaded by a race of beings called Hoots; small creatures with huge, strong hands and a love of racing. They also have very loud voices and use ranges that stun humans, something that comes in handy as they subjugate and enslave the humans, turning them into something for the Hoots to use like horses.

The story is told mainly from the point of view of a boy called Charley, or Smiley, who is around eleven when the story starts. He comes from the finest breeding stock and has been chosen as the mount of the heir to the Hoot ruler and is quite proud of that fact. He enjoys eating ice cream and daydreaming about the wins that wait in his future. He doesn't enjoy his training so much as the future ruler is quite young and clumsy, which leads to uncomfortable times in the ring as they trot round and round. But when they aren't training the two get along great and bond over trips through the countryside.

When the wild humans rise up and attack the Hoot compound, destroying everything and releasing the mounts, Charley rescues the Hoot heir. The two of them end up in the mountains, living in a camp run by Charley's father, a man whose mouth has been so damaged by severe bits he can barely speak. Charley both worships his big, brave father, and resents the hell out of him. If living a hand to mouth existence weren't hard enough, Charley has to juggle his friendship with the Hoot heir, his complicated feelings for his father and his confusion over his long-term hopes and dreams.

The Mount is a coming of age story but it's also about the price of freedom and the price of complacency. It's heartwarming and thought provoking while still being an exciting adventure.

One-Paragraph Review

This week's one-paragraph review is from DNA who writes in to say, "Splice = awesome. Go see it soonest." Do you have a one-paragraph (or smaller) review you'd like to share? Send it in to me for consideration. You can reach me at feedback@qualitytimeweekly.com.

After a spell of hit or miss books (mostly misses), I had a terrific week, reading not just one but three that were deeply satisfying, fun, reads that gave me a new perspective. John Scalzi has a feature on his Whatever blog called the Big Idea which talks about what inspired authors to write their most recent books. These posts sometimes send me looking for said books but sadly I'm more likely to forget all about them within the next couple of days. Only a few excite me enough to make me sit down and order them right away, or write them in my notebook so I'll pick them up next time I'm out. A recent Big Idea by Pamela Ribon hit so close to home for me that I put the book, Going in Circles, on my must have list and picked it up as soon as I could. It languished near the top of my to be read pile for a bit and then I grabbed it and fell in love.

Going in Circles is about a woman named Charlotte who is stuck, half in and half out of her marriage, grieving, with no idea whether she and her husband will get back together again. This particular split is more complicated than usual. Her husband left her, came back, then she couldn't take the stress and left him. Now she's in limbo and not only can't move forward, or back, she can’t imagine taking any steps that will help. She finally makes an appointment to see a therapist and comes away with the realization that in her view there is only one right course of action at any time and any wrong choice will leave the world crumbling.

With such a rigid world view it's no wonder she's paralyzed. Enter Francesca, a tiny, Goth coworker, who has enough energy for four and enough passion to help drag Charlotte out of her inertia. Once she finds a chink in Charlotte's "leave me alone and let me wallow" exterior she gets to work, setting tasks and rewards for Charlotte. Some of these are impossible to Charlotte in her current state, like quitting the internet, i.e. no longer stalking her husband's brand new Facebook page, but another that seems impossible turns out to be the most important thing Charlotte does. That thing is roller derby.

Now I didn't know anything about roller derby, beyond that it's loud and bumpy, and if someone had said to me read this book about roller derby I might have smiled politely and never picked up the book. But since I was already invested in the characters and Ms. Ribon's excellent prose I found myself rooting for this unknown sport and its participants, almost against my will. Once I learned a little about it I was enthused. Who wouldn't love a sport that takes athleticism, courage, speed and the ability to keep going when you’re battered and bruised? And of course someone like Charlotte, who can’t bear to think about her circumstances, is going to love it even more than most. It's hard to think about how you've been done wrong when you're completely focused forcing your body to do the improbable.

I loved Going in Circles so much I was a little heartbroken to near the end. I had a two page cycle going on; either laughing or tearing up every couple of pages. The book is deeply funny but I also felt so connected to Charlotte and her pain, whose craziness reminded me of my own when dealing with my losses through the years. (As I said, I never did roller derby but I did suddenly start racing my horse faster and going over much bigger jumps in the wake of a devastating loss in my late 20's.) Ms. Ribon also absolutely nails the pressure that couples are under; both to stay together and to split up – sometimes advice given by friends and coworkers at the same time. Relationships and the ability or desire to sustain them are subjects that we humans love and we can't help sticking our noses in, even when it's clearly none of our business. For instance this week the story of Tipper and Al Gore's marriage ending broke and I actually saw an article in the Washington Post begging the two to stay together. Charlotte has to deal with these kinds of expectations and demands, as well as sort out her complicated feelings about her marriage. Since we've likely all gone through the same thing it's another great way for us as readers to connect to the story and the characters.

You can read Ms. Ribon's Big Idea here: http://whatever.scalzi.com/2010/04/20/the-big-idea-pamela-ribon/. And you can browse inside the novel here at the publisher's website. http://books.simonandschuster.com/Going-in-Circles/Pamela-Ribon/97814165...

One-Paragraph Review

This week's one-paragraph review is a little different. @maureenjohnson tweeted a scientific review of Sex and the City two that must be shared. There are three tweets in all: http://twitter.com/maureenjohnson/status/15180090573, http://twitter.com/maureenjohnson/status/15180147118 and http://twitter.com/maureenjohnson/status/15180206073. Do you have a one-paragraph (or smaller) review you'd like to share? Send it in to me for consideration. You can reach me at feedback@qualitytimeweekly.com.

There's nothing quite as disappointing to me as a bad book. The worst ones are the ones that could be good; maybe they have an excellent plot or terrific characters but something is off. Either the writing isn't up to snuff and I cringe over the clunkiness of it all or the great characters never do anything or the terrific plot is about a bunch of characters thinner than the pages I'm reading. It's enough to make me scream, and I do. I just finished a novel by a hugely popular author, whose work I used to love, that was completely spoiled by this weird paranoid streak that suddenly showed up. Sadly I read three or four bad books in a row, all with great reviews, and was languishing, wondering if I would ever find anything I liked again.

My youngest son came through, supplying me with a book called Night Road which is a little dry, but was deeply satisfying. To use a slightly obnoxious metaphor obviously inspired by the novel's title, reading Night Road after the other book was like going from pothole city in sprung car with terrible seats to the most comfortable ride in the world, on roads as smooth as glass. It was a powerful read and made me laugh and cry, but there were no weird stumbling blocks that yanked me out of the story.

I lie. There was one thing. The protagonists in Night Road are hemevores, meaning they live on blood (they also have an aversion to being called vampires), and call everyone else omnivores. If you read the book straight through by the time you get to the end you might not want to hear any words ending with "vore" ever again. But this is a mild problem and overall I was quite pleased.

Night Road tells the story of Cole, a young man who was changed when he was eighteen, who now subsists on blood, can't bear the sunlight and can recover physically from just about any injury. Unfortunately, we soon learn that anyone of his species who is exposed to sunlight does not recover mentally. As these guys can survive almost anything they literally have a fate worse than death waiting for them. If they aren't super careful they could end up with trapped forever in a body that refuses to die, with no mental ability. How's that for a horrifying and chilling idea?

As a result of these consequences constantly hanging over his head, Cole lives the most careful, isolated life imaginable. He spends most of his time traveling, following a rigid set of rules. He doesn't just need to avoid injury and sunlight; he also has to keep his desires under control. If a heme doesn't get enough to eat they get thirsty, with a capital T, and are overwhelmed by the urge to get blood via any means necessary. A Thirsting heme loses awareness of who much blood to take, who take it from, the health of their victims and their environment. They can do terrible things in a matter of moments; leaving wreckage that can haunt them ever after.

As the story begins Cole is returning to a heme enclave in New York, a place designed to keep his fellow hemes safe but that make him uncomfortable. He is a bit like a feral cat that doesn't want to come in and eat, perhaps afraid that he will change for the worse and no longer be able to take care of himself. So when he is asked to help teach a new heme the rules of survival he is not at all excited.

Gordo, the new heme, is a college student that was turned after a vicious attack on one of Cole's friends (called Sandor). Gordo's own initiation into the heme world was traumatic and he is having a hard time adjusting to his circumstances. Interested mostly in pretty girls and drinking beer the new rules make him cranky, defensive and depressed. None of this endears him to Cole, who knows that a terrible fate waits for Gordo if he can't get it together. They cannot risk letting Gordo run around, thirst out of control, turning random people into hemes, or letting omnis find out he's a heme.

While Cole tries to teach Gordo all of the minutia of a safe life he is also struggling against his own memories and emotions, which he has safely stuffed away until now. For someone who seems to be focused and stoic, he has a going on inside.

At times deeply distressing and sad, at other hilarious and touching, Night Road is a fabulous read.

One-Paragraph Review

This week's one-paragraph review is from Just Not Sure, who writes in to say, "Not sure about the lemonade drinks at Taco Bell. They test weird but I keep drinking them." Do you have a one-paragraph (or smaller) review you'd like to share? Send it in to me for consideration. You can reach me at feedback@qualitytimeweekly.com.

The end of May brings a lot of things; grilling season, swimming season, no school season, and one of my favorites, strawberry season. It's a great time to head to your local pick your own produce farm and stock up on fresh, ripe, juicy, delicious, berries. (Be sure to get the ones that are almost ripe, or they'll be overripe by the time you get them home.)

Once you do get the berries home you can eat them on their own, smother them in cream, roll them in sugar, dip them in chocolate or make a more elaborate recipe. For instance you can chop them into smaller pieces and mix them in your one minute oatmeal, turning a kind of boring meal into something with a little more pizzazz.

For breakfast that's quite a bit snazzier try these incredible Lemon Cottage Cheese Pancakes with Strawberries. The author says, "The cottage cheese keeps the pancakes moist, but not dense, they are light and delicate. The lemon zest and juice adds a nice burst of spring to the pancakes. I love that these pancakes are good for you too-an added bonus. I use whole wheat flour, egg whites, and the cottage cheese is a great source of protein. There is no butter or oil involved, but you will never know. These pancakes are a real treat." Don't they sound fabulous?
http://twopeasandtheirpod.com/lemon-cottage-cheese-pancakes-with-strawbe...

How does Italian Strawberry Risotto sound? I think it sounds delicious. In this blog post the author also talks about American's obsession with cheese, and I agree with what they have to say. Try this experiment – watch a couple of hours of television and pay attention to how many times cheese is mentioned, either in fast food commercials or straight up cheese commercials. But I digress. While you can combine cheese and strawberries to delicious effect, you don't want to put any cheese in this risotto. http://italianrecipesblog.com/Blog/?p=387

When my kids were younger they loved fruit leather, which can be quite processed if you get the kind at the grocery store and a bit better if you get it at a health food store. The Fly Through Our Window blog has a great recipe for fruit leather you can make at home, that has just four ingredients: strawberries, applesauce, lemon juice and sugar. The author also has a pdf with variations on the recipe so you can make also make blueberry peach or just plain peach. You do have to bake these at a very low temperature for a long time, so if it's already hot where you live you'll want to take that into account. http://www.flythroughourwindow.com/2010/04/strawberries/

Fore a more grownup treat these Chocolate Covered Strawberry Truffles look ultra delicious. The recipe includes cost per candy as well as nutritional information (which I suppose could be viewed as another kind of cost). I would personally leave out the food coloring, but that's a personal foible. http://cakebatterandbowl.com/chocolate-covered-strawberry-truffles.html

For a delicious dessert recipe that is easier to make and takes less than eight minutes, try this lovely Strawberry Fool. With just a few ingredients it's fresh, light, hard to mess up and extremely yummy. http://whatsgabycooking.com/strawberry-fool/

Finally, since cupcakes are all the rage, here is a recipe for Extra-DORIE-nary Strawberry Lemon Cream Cupcakes. I think we all know lemons and strawberries complement each other so it's no wonder there are so many recipes that feature the two of them together. http://iheartcuppycakes.com/2008/04/10/extra-dorie-nary-strawberry-lemon...

One-Paragraph Review

This week's one-paragraph review is from Worried, who writes in to say, "Since Brett is in the hospital how will they have the Celebrity Apprentice finale? Is it fair to make him compete if he is released from the hospital? Does he even have a chance after all his health problems?" Do you have a one-paragraph (or smaller) review you'd like to share? Send it in to me for consideration. You can reach me at feedback@qualitytimeweekly.com.

Free Portal for a Limited Time

Valve/Steam's terrific game Portal is absolutely free for the next few days, until May 24th. In case you're not familiar with it, Portal is a fantastic puzzle/shooting game that introduced catch phrases like "The cake is a lie" and a chilling character called GLADOS, a diabolical computer mind that is both hilarious and murderous. A sample comment from GLADOS: "That thing you burnt up isn't important to me. It's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It made shoes for orphans. Nice job breaking it, hero."

The portal in the name refers to your ability as a player to make a hole in a surface, which will port you to another location. This game is an awful lot of fun and won meg awards the year it came out, as well as enrapturing everyone in my house who played it. With Portal two in the works Steam/Valve is releasing version one for free, because they apparently don't have quite enough addicted souls.

You can get all the details and sign up for your Steam account here: http://store.steampowered.com/freeportal

A Show That Give Me Anxiety Attacks

I go through phases where I don't watch any television at all, and then I watch a whole bunch. Right now I'm watching a bunch, including getting caught up on old series that I missed like Stargate Atlantis. One of the benefits of watching a show that's no longer on is that I'm never kept in suspense for too long. Instead of having to wait a week for part two of a cliffhanger I only have to wait a day or so, which is good for my heart. Unfortunately one of the shows that is most suspenseful is brand new and I have to wait a week between episodes.

Stargate Universe is in the middle of the second half of its first season. (The Syfy channel splits its seasons into two parts, running half, then taking a break, then bringing back the second half.) As the series begins Eli (David Blue), my favorite character, is a young man living with his mom, who is chronically ill, and playing a ton of video games. He's cracked a code that's embedded in the game and is shocked when some men appear at his doorstep to tell him the code is real and was put in the game to solve a decades old mystery. The code has to do with the last chevron on a stargate, an ancient device that creates a wormhole and allows travelers to go from stargate to stargate practically instantaneously, allowing interstellar travel in a timely fashion.

The next thing Eli knows he's leaving his mother's house and off on an adventure. One minute he's in the basement and the next he's on another world; a world that's about to be ripped apart. But before it is, the gate is dialed to the new setting and everyone has to jump through, landing in a completely unknown destination, with no opportunity to get back. There are basically two sets of people; soldiers, led by Colonel Young, and scientists, led by Rush, who is assisted by Eli. All of them are stranded in the middle of space, on an incredibly old, falling apart spaceship, a ridiculous distance from Earth.

This is a great setup for a continuing story as just about anything can happen. There is a gate on the ship, which randomly accesses various planets, where adventure and adversity await, which gives a nice choice of storylines. But there is also the overarching story of the ship itself and the fate of the people who are now traveling on it, going somewhere unknown, with shipmates they absolutely didn't choose. There is built-in conflict not just from the lack of food and water but also from the grating personalities of people who have nothing in common forced to deal with each other.

I may have mentioned this before, but one of the things that is so wonderful about science fiction is how all encompassing it is. Just about any other genre can fit under the science fiction umbrella, especially when you have the kinds of settings that SGU does. It's easy to frame a romance when strangers are thrown together. Or a mystery, when said strangers hurt each other or steal from each other. Or a medical story a la House, but even crazier since the characters are on new planets where they encounter alien germs as well as other forms of alien life. You can even do a western set in space, as we saw with the too short-lived Firefly.

John Scalzi, author of Old Man's War and other terrific books, is the creative consultant for Stargate Universe and I feel I can see his touch all over the show, although he says if he's doing his job right I won't see it, so maybe I'm fooling myself. I've read most of Scalzi's work and think there are definitely elements of his stories in SGU. If you're interested in what it means to be the creative consultant you can start with this post from the Whatever: http://whatever.scalzi.com/2009/09/30/on-being-the-stargate-universe-cre....

SGU has strong characters, fantastic, gut wrenching, suspenseful storylines and fantastic acting. Sometimes I have to pause the show to calm down because I get so worried about the characters. (Except Rush, I'm biased against him. He's my least favorite character and I don't trust him one bit.) They’ve faced hostile aliens, starvation, infection, insurrection, and being stranded on a strange planet. (The ship has its own agenda and jumps into ftl speed when it wants to, regardless of the preparedness of the crew.) If you think your heart is up to the strain you can watch the show on cable on the Syfy channel, on demand, at the Syfy website (http://www.Syfy.com/universe/), Hulu (http://www.hulu.com/stargate-universe) and probably a few other places I'm not privy to.

One-Paragraph Review

This week's one-paragraph review is from GLADOS, who writes in to say, "I cannot wait for Portal Two. It's going to be the awesomest thing ever." (Editor's note – can you trust a homicidal artificial intelligence?)Do you have a one-paragraph (or smaller) review you'd like to share? Send it in to me for consideration. You can reach me at feedback@qualitytimeweekly.com.